The Emotional Toolkit - The 7 Power Skills
EMOTIONAL TOOLKIT DISCUSSION GUIDE
Use these discussion guides or craft your own. An entire meeting can be created around one question or it can be used as a springboard for further conversation. If you’ve come up with some questions or ideas that have produced a rich discussion, I’d love to hear about it. Email me at dmininni@earthlink.net.
Discussion Topics
How Schemas Influence Your Feelings and Actions
Working with Your Temperament
Messages Your Feelings Are Trying to Send You
Recognizing the Physical Signs of Upsetting Moods
Which Emotional Tools Work Best for You?
Meditation In Action
Focus on Journal Writing
Putting Your Thoughts on Trial
How Schemas Influence Your Feelings and Actions
Even though we’re often not aware of it, we all have deeply held beliefs called schemas. These schemas can influence our feelings and actions. Sometimes our schemas are supportive (“I’m a valuable person”), and sometimes they aren’t (“It’s important that everyone like me”). Investigate your own schemas. Take the self-quiz on page 72 of The Emotional Toolkit. Do this either during your group time or complete it at home and bring it with you. Read pages 66-71 from The Emotional Toolkit for more information. Follow up by discussing these questions:
- Are your beliefs supportive or unsupportive? How?
- Do the original circumstances that created these beliefs still exist?
- Are any of these beliefs negatively influencing your self-talk?
- How might these beliefs be guiding your behavior?
- How might these beliefs be affecting your emotions?
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Working with Your Temperament
Each one of us inherits a unique temperament, or emotional style. To find out yours, take the self-quiz on page 75 of The Emotional Toolkit. The point in knowing your temperament isn’t to change it, but rather to work with it. When you do this, you’ll be happier. For example, if you’re high in energy, look for ways to get your body moving, otherwise you may find yourself getting anxious. If you’re introverted, squeeze in some alone time, or you may find yourself getting depressed. Review your temperament traits, and look for realistic ways to adjust your lifestyle (or thinking style) to work with those traits. Read pages 73 -78 from The Emotional Toolkit for a better understanding of temperament.
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Messages Your Feelings Are Trying to Send You
Our emotions exist for a reason. They tell us important things about ourselves. What are your feelings trying to tell you? Choose an emotion you’ve had lately. Ask the following questions to uncover the message your emotions are trying to send you:
Anxiety | "What am I afraid of?"
| Sadness | "What have I lost?"
| Anger | "How have my values been attacked?"
| Happiness | "What have I gained?"
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Read pages 29–53 of The Emotional Toolkit for more information.
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Recognizing the Physical Signs of Upsetting Moods
Your feelings live in both your body and your mind. When you “feel” one of the gateway emotions of anxiety, sadness or anger in you body, what does it feel like? What’s your pattern? Do you have a clenched jaw, headache, feel tired? How can you target the physical signs of your upsetting emotions?
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Which Emotional Tools Work Best for You?
All the tools from The Emotional Toolkit are scientifically proven to work. But since every body is different, some tools will work better for certain people than others. What tools from The Emotional Toolkit have you used? Which seem to work best for you? How do you integrate those tools into your life? Tell a story of how you’ve used it successfully.
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Meditation In Action
As a group, practice the meditations offered on pages 151–154 of The Emotional Toolkit. You may want to begin with the Belly Breathing exercise on pages 139-140. Read Chapter 10, “The Power of Quiet” for a fuller understanding of the meditative arts. Discuss your experience meditating. Some groups may choose to begin or end their meetings with brief meditations. Also, talk about Meditation-in-Action. How can you incorporate this type of mindfulness into your busy lives? Add to the examples shown in the box on page 159.
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Focus on Journal Writing
Writing about your emotions can actually change them, so why not use your group time to boost your happiness. Write about the things in your life for which you are thankful. Don’t forget the small things we so often overlook, such as a wonderful recipe or a great shade of lipstick. You may want to begin or end each group meeting by reading these lists. Continue to read or add to your list when you aren’t meeting. Read pages 192-196 of The Emotional Toolkit for more information.
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Putting Your Thoughts on Trial
Are you stuck in a bad mood? Take a look at the thoughts you have about whatever is creating your unhappiness. Maybe those thoughts are compounding or even creating your distress. Examine your thoughts like a trial attorney. Put them on the stand and cross-examine them. You’d be amazed at what happens when you unravel fact from fiction. Complete the Thought-Shifting exercises in Chapter 9 of The Emotional Toolkit. Complete it at home and bring it to the group or work on it at the meeting. It’s helpful to talk about your findings with group members, because sometimes we can’t see the forest from the trees.
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